What is Your Happiness Balance?

When you consider how you feel right at this moment, do you feel more, less, or just as yourself?

How do you feel about your current mindset, current health, current financial situation, current lifestyle, current relationships?

When you feel off balance what do you do to realign?

For the past six weeks I have felt so depleted of energy. The sense of wanting to ‘get back to normal’ was a constant frustration when it wasn’t happening. Antibiotics, rest, and self-care has definitely helped. Yet I am curious to understand what my ‘normal’ actually is. We all know when we feel ‘off’ health wise, yet how do you give attention to other areas in your life and find your sense of balance? Work, social activities, family, community, friendships, contributing to the world around us. We all have our individual way and expectations for a good life, yet how much focus do you give to having a balanced life? 

A couple of years ago I was involved in a personal development programme. One aspect we focused on was shifting focus away from a sense of lack and instead pivot to ambition and life goals. This ranged from looking at our attitude to money, our self-image, values, attitudes and behaviours. It was insightful but one thing that it made me think about was more so about taking stock on life as it currently is before being able to focus on an ambitious future. I recognised where I was giving energy to situations and people, that were neither rewarding or fairly met. Doesn’t the saying go that we are the average of the 5 people we spend most time with. And here I was not feeling belonging to the people that were once my core. I began to evaluate what I gave to, and what both contributed value to my life, as well as recognising what drained energy from my life. Unfulfilling work, frustration with friends that were no longer showing up, and missing a sense of purpose and community. I was determined to get my life ‘back on track’, get it back to  balance. It is worth also recognising that as we experience life, what was once familiar can seem so alien. Close friendships become nostalgic acquaintances. Meaningful work can turn into something we resent when we no longer find it fulfilling. Having a family brings its own immense pressure that may have us feeling so far removed from the person we once were. As we move forward in life, our sense of self can often change.

Over the past 15 years my life experiences had included several dramas. Each one shifted my sense of self and what mattered. Each chapter in my life moved me into the next new adventure. Over the past 18 months since I started training as an end of life planning facilitator I had so much decluttering to do in my life both materially, emotionally, and energetically that I really started to delve deep into understanding what truly matters to me. I became aware of my own default mode not being as ‘happy’ as I had thought and recognised my own feelings and behaviours contributing to my frustrations in expectations of what I thought others should be contributing to my life and happiness.

I recently heard about a study on happiness and adaptation theory. Comparing the life balance of lottery winners and accident victims. Those that had suffered understandably tended to consider their life before the accident with rose tinted glasses. Those that had won the lottery had a sense of high that wasn’t long-lasting. Yet both groups reverted back to their normal attitudes and behaviours. The thinking of the 1970s study was that contrast and habituation revert us back to our default mode. We tend to compare our (mis)fortunes to life as ‘it was’, so what we have will never be just as is but more or less than another or even more or less to our previous circumstances. New positive experiences make old experiences seem less relevant. According to the study “If all things are judged by the extent to which they depart from a baseline of past experience, gradually even the most positive events will cease to have impact as they themselves are absorbed into the new baseline against which further events are judged.” What the study found was that while happiness was relative, a significant event may shift our baseline but we inevitably return to our habitual attitudes and behaviours. 

This theory has become known as the ‘hedonic adaptation’ or ‘hedonic treadmill’ which was coined by social scientists in the 20th century. There are more recent studies which focus more on ‘baseline happiness’ whose studies showed that our baseline improves as we work on our mindset, self-care and environment in which we live. 

From my reading of these studies it shows that to improve our baseline of contentment we need to give focus on what our current baseline is and what will help us feel better and improve our overall quality of life. While a lottery win does seem nice, will it really solve our problems if we have a poor financial management behaviour or live with an attitude of lack? When I started to explore my own values and behaviours I found that even when I took myself away from negative situations and disconnected from other peoples negatives, it didn’t drastically improve my life (although there was a great sense of relief) but it made clear my negativity that I was bringing to my life. So to improve my baseline has been recognising what drains my energy, but also to stop holding myself back and take the necessary steps to fulfil my own ambition.

When I created Living Legacy it was to help people put their advance plans in place. To get started I firmly believe in the importance of taking stock. Only then can we consider how we want our future to be. 

So when you think about your baseline, what is your default mode? What would you like to improve and why? How can you go about doing this? Having started to explore the baseline happiness theory, How do we find the balance for ourselves, and our true identity?

I recently joined a choir, Diva Voces, and we are currently rehearsing for upcoming shows. One song we are singing is Cyndi Lauper’s song, ‘True Colours’. In it is about seeing others for who they really are: 

I see your true colors

Shining through (true colors)

don't be afraid to let them show

Your true colors

True colors are beautiful (they're beautiful)

Like a rainbow

So when you consider your true colours, how do you see yourself? What is your balance that you can check into each day? Recognising when you are feeling off balance, or even recognising the highs and lows that occur will hopefully keep you in check to knowing when you need help or even when you experience a a return to your default mode.

So when you consider balance in your life, really give focus to your contentment through your thinking, attitude and behaviour. As you seek a better quality of life, figure out the current quality your life has and go from there.

Want to explore for yourself? Then check out our upcoming #100DayJourney which are daily posts on Instagram (@livinglegacy.ie) with tips and tricks to taking stock of your life, your very being, and working towards getting your advanced plans in place. Come join us.

If you would like to explore further, check out our mentoring and coaching supports at www.livinglegacy.ie/store

I wish you balance as you move forward in life. I look forward to helping you navigate the journey.

Jen x